We could not put this better than this quote by H Stephen Glenn
and Jane Nelson in "Raising Self-Reliant Children in a Self-Indulgent
"We can see the value of limits best by observing what
happens when they are not set. Most parents pamper their children
in the name of love. In truth pampering is one of the most unloving
things we can do to our children.
"When things come too easily for children, they grow
up thinking that the world owes them. When we give in to our children,
we are teaching them to put all their intelligence and energy
into learning how to manipulate others into taking care of them,
instead of learning to take care of themselves. It is the opposite
of love to let them off the hook so that they do not have to experience
"Children need limits in order to learn consequences.
But they need to be realistic limits."
Simply, your children will learn through the setting of realistic
limits and behaviours reinforced with consequences.